First I think about what everyone will enjoy

Eight to ten dishes is not an unusual spread for this kind of gathering, but that does not mean eight to ten heavy meat dishes. I want a mixture: something steamed, something braised, a cold dish, soft tofu and vegetables with a little bite. If the chicken is soy-braised, I keep the fish simply steamed with ginger and spring onions. White rice belongs with all of it; it is not an afterthought.

For soup, I might simmer pork ribs with carrot and daikon. It can cook quietly while I do the other work. I keep the seasoning gentle, then taste again near dinner. On a meat-free evening I would choose a different soup, perhaps daikon and shiitake mushrooms, rather than assume removing the ribs will give exactly the same result.

I will make a favourite if someone has asked for it. My daughter likes aubergine, so that goes on the list. The children enjoy prawns, and a cucumber dish is refreshing beside the braises. I choose dishes I know well and spread the work between the stove, steamer and earlier preparation. A generous table does not require every dish to be cooked in the last five minutes.

·1. A whole fish steamed with ginger and spring onions.
·2. Soy-braised chicken, cut into pieces people can take easily.
·3. Prawns quickly cooked with garlic.
·4. Steamed tofu with spring onions and a light sauce.
·5. Braised aubergine, soft enough to take up its sauce.
·6. Shiitake mushrooms braised with daikon.
·7. Choy sum or gai lan, whichever looks freshest.
·8. A cool cucumber salad, dressed shortly before dinner.
·9. Pork rib, carrot and daikon soup, or a separately planned meat-free soup.
·Alongside the nine dishes: plain steamed rice, with fruit after the meal.

At the market, I shop for this table

For eight adults eating this whole spread, I would start with about 500–600 grams of uncooked rice, one cleaned whole fish weighing around 1–1.2 kilograms, 800 grams to 1 kilogram of raw bone-in chicken pieces, 400–500 grams of peeled raw prawns and about 600 grams of tofu. For the aubergine, mushroom-and-daikon dish, greens and cucumber, I would buy roughly 1.6–2 kilograms of vegetables in total, allowing for trimming. The soup ingredients are extra. These are starting estimates for the whole menu, not a full main-course portion of every dish for every person.

A whole fish has a head and bones, and bone-in chicken is not all meat. I check the recipes and adjust for the people coming. If my guests eat plenty of rice, I cook more. If two people will not eat fish or meat, I set aside a generous tofu dish with suitable sauce and add another substantial dish for them. They should not have to wait until everyone else has eaten to see what is left.

I look at the vegetables before I commit to them. If the choy sum is tired but the gai lan looks good, we are having gai lan. I ask the fishmonger what is suitable for steaming, and I make sure it will fit the plate and the covered pan I actually own.

·Check the rice, ginger, garlic, spring onions and dried mushrooms before shopping.
·Buy fish from a reliable seller, keep it cold and plan to cook it promptly.
·Choose oranges, mandarins or another fruit that is good that week for after dinner.

I do the quiet work before the house fills up

The chicken and mushroom-and-daikon braise are useful dishes to make the day before. Once cooked, I cool them promptly in shallow containers and put them in the fridge; I do not leave deep pots sitting out all night. I can also check the serving dishes and make space in the fridge. With nine dishes to serve, it helps to decide now which plate or bowl each one will use.

If I am using dried shiitake mushrooms, I soak them in the fridge according to the recipe before making the braise. On the day, I wash and drain the greens, prepare the cucumber, cut the ginger and spring onions, and cook the aubergine ahead of the final rush. The soup goes on early enough to simmer without being rushed. Fish and prawns stay refrigerated until I need them, with raw seafood and meat kept away from vegetables and anything ready to eat.

By the time people arrive, I want the ingredients ready beside the stove, not whole vegetables still in shopping bags. There will always be someone coming into the kitchen to talk. I would like to hear what they are saying.

·Earlier in the day: start the soup, cook the aubergine, and prepare vegetables and aromatics.
·Before guests arrive: arrange bowls, chopsticks, soup spoons and serving utensils.
·Near dinner: start the rice, reheat the braises thoroughly, steam the tofu and dress the cucumber.
·At the end: steam the fish, quickly cook the prawns, then finish the greens.

Looking after people starts before I cook

I ask privately if there is anything someone cannot eat. I would rather change a dish while planning than have a guest explain an allergy with eight people listening. With fish and prawns on this menu, I check seafood allergies in particular: fish, crustaceans and molluscs are different allergen groups. Oyster sauce contains molluscs, ordinary soy sauce usually contains wheat as well as soy, tofu contains soy, and sesame oil is not suitable for someone with a sesame allergy.

If I am cooking for a vegetarian, I do not put chicken stock into the tofu or oyster sauce over the greens. I use suitable stock and a checked sauce, and I tell them which dishes are theirs to enjoy. For someone avoiding gluten, I check every bottle; the word tamari alone is not a guarantee.

For a serious allergy, I agree the precautions with the guest and prepare a separate safe portion with clean equipment. I do not promise that picking something out afterwards will make it safe. And if someone avoids alcohol, I discuss the cooking wine too rather than assume it all disappears in the pan.

The fish is ready, so come and eat

The chicken, aubergine and mushrooms are hot, the tofu is ready, and the cucumber is on the table. The rice is done and the soup can be ladled into bowls. Now I steam the fish, following the timing and doneness guidance for its species and thickness. While it cooks, I quickly cook the prawns until properly done, transfer them to their plate and use the wok for the greens. I plan this around my actual burners, not an imaginary restaurant kitchen.

I like to bring the fish out on its serving plate with the ginger, spring onions and sauce. The greens follow straight away. We can start eating as the last hot dishes arrive; I do not let the fish go cold while arranging a perfect photograph of all nine dishes. These dishes are for everyone to share, not separate courses that need a speech. In our house, some people like soup first and some drink it alongside the meal.

For a spread this size, I use serving plates that fit the table and keep the rice pot nearby rather than squeeze it between everything else. Someone can help carry dishes out, but I make sure the path from the stove is clear before lifting a hot plate of fish.

I put serving chopsticks or a spoon with each dish and a small plate for bones beside the fish. I check children's portions carefully for bones, and offer boneless pieces to anyone who needs them. There are ordinary spoons and forks available too. Tea and water are enough; if someone brings another drink, we can enjoy that as well.

I may ask whether anyone wants more rice, but I take no for an answer. Once everyone has food, I sit down too. There is no kindness in making the cook miss the whole conversation.

After dinner, fruit and a little more conversation

I have not made a complicated dessert. I bring out washed fruit, cut what needs cutting, and make fresh tea if people want it. Someone helps clear the bowls and someone else stays at the table telling a story. This is the part of the evening I did all that preparation for.

Before we settle in for too long, I put the leftovers away. Rice needs particular care: I serve it freshly cooked or keep it properly hot, then cool any I am saving quickly in shallow containers, ideally within one hour, and refrigerate it promptly. I use refrigerated rice within 24 hours and reheat it only once, until steaming hot throughout, following local guidance. Rice left warm for too long does not become safe simply because I fry it tomorrow.

Other perishable leftovers go into the fridge within two hours, or within one hour if it is hotter than 32°C (90°F). I keep untouched reserves separate from food that has been passed around the table. If I send a container home with someone, I make sure they can keep it cold and tell them what it is.

I want people to leave feeling they have eaten well and had time together. They do not need to remember how many dishes I made. I would be happy to hear, a few days later, that they would like to come again.

Chinese Dinner Party